


Sonnets on Cakes (Or Why Chemists Aren't Better Chefs)

by shnuffeluv



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Baking, Birthday Cake, Gen, Poerty, Remix, Sonnets, What Have I Done, Wits On Tap Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-02 03:27:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6548755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shnuffeluv/pseuds/shnuffeluv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I remix of Iwantthatcoat's <em>Many Happy Returns to Tesco</em> told in sonnets. I'm not a natural at poetry, so forgive me if I'm not fantastic or this seems...basic. It sort of is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sonnets on Cakes (Or Why Chemists Aren't Better Chefs)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Iwantthatcoat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwantthatcoat/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Many Happy Returns to Tesco](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1493089) by [Iwantthatcoat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwantthatcoat/pseuds/Iwantthatcoat). 



Chemistry! Is what Sherlock exclaims  
When John suggests a cake  
For all of baking can be simplified to formulas mundane  
And Sherlock is sure he can grasp the uptake

John, of course, is skeptical  
As flatmates are wont to do  
But Sherlock is sure it will be a spectacle  
And if it’s chemistry, it’ll be easy too

John leaves the flat after giving his blessing  
And Sherlock is confident  
That baking a cake is a simple undertaking  
And won’t be much time spent

Yes it’s Mrs. Hudson’s birthday, and as Sherlock is, well, him  
He will attempt a cake, but it’s quite possible...the results will be awfully grim

* * *

After some persistent pestering, and a dose of self-restraint  
Sherlock prepped the table for the baking of the cake  
And this we all know; the Internet can be a saint  
For it is what set the mission that Sherlock would undertake

All the ingredients were set  
And the recipe was in place  
But confusion was brewing like a threat  
That Sherlock’s attention did not grace

Sherlock waited for the time  
To see that the cakes were done  
And when the second signal chimed  
He inspected the offending buns

But sadly after following all the instructions and watching the clock,  
Sherlock’s efforts went to waste--the cake was solid rock

* * *

Perhaps the video would shed some light  
On how he did this wrong?  
And this time he knew he would get it right  
His will was impossibly strong

The ingredients he had did not add up  
So that was the problem, then?  
A quick stop at Tesco’s would prevent another blowup  
And even John would say his cake was a 10

Speak of the devil, he just texted  
Asking how everything was  
Sherlock followed each step as was directed  
And donated his time to this cause

The time was up, it was time to check the results  
...Are we _sure_ that Sherlock can actually bake like an adult?

* * *

John knew what happened when Sherlock went silent  
It was more than A Bit Not Good,  
He just hoped that Sherlock’s actions would not get violent,  
Perhaps he’d get a back-up cake, at this point he probably should

Eggs. That’s what he saw Sherlock buying  
But they’d had a full carton this morning…  
Well, at least Sherlock was trying  
It was better than when Sherlock thought life was boring

The back up cake it is, then.  
And then away to ride out the storm  
Perhaps Sherlock’s later attempts would be edible, when  
If they got out of the oven in good form

He’d check up on Mrs. Hudson later, he knew  
But he’d wait for Sherlock to finish his cakes, hoping that he’d pull through

* * *

The last cakes were a flop as well,  
So Sherlock picked the best two,  
Decided to decorate it anyway,  
And see how well he could do

He put the decorations on too quickly,  
But at least it looked like a cake,  
At the thought of what happened, Sherlock grew prickly,  
Honestly, who knew it would be so hard to bake?!

So Sherlock sulked on the sofa,  
He was past the point of trying to care  
And still he was tempted by the aroma  
Of something fresh wafting through the air

He curled up further in his sulk, admitting his cake was nowhere close to heaven,  
And a few choice words came out of his mouth: "Oh, do shut up, you magniloquent pile of leaven."

* * *

John came in to Sherlock sulking, and knew just what was wrong  
The cake was far from a success.  
He had suspected this all along.  
The one thing he was glad for, was that the kitchen wasn’t a mess

It couldn’t be that bad, he insisted  
But Sherlock said it could  
He didn’t appreciate the movie references, Sherlock attested,  
And John turned to look from where he stood

John brought the cake down to Mrs. Hudson,  
And Sherlock was mortified at the thought  
They went to cut up the cake that was made from Sherlock’s half-dozen,  
Despite how much Sherlock fought

The two revealed to him that they were just glad he tried,  
And once the cake was made into biscuits, it improved in even Sherlock’s eyes


End file.
